Wikipedia tells me Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, let’s go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.
However, the tips and “how to list” was not listed below the definition…
I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. I am realizing what a gift forgiveness is to myself. And let me be clear – it is a gift for others as well yet knowing myself, I make sure others are covered thoroughly and may skip me in the process.
Wordhippo.com shared that the reverse of forgiveness is blame, condemn, accuse, hold, increase, keep, maintain, sentence, censure, charge, punish. An antonym not on wordhippo.com’s list that, in my opinion, snuggles with lack of forgiveness is grudge. Another one is to hold someone in contempt, in your own mind & spirit and treat them “accordingly.”
Where in your life do you have some forgiving to do?
Who do you have to forgive?
Please, go ahead and make a list. Take the time to capture whatever comes up for you over the years. Let’s put those names in column one.
In column two capture, what needs to be forgiven. Be specific. Get more paper if need be.
In column three list what forgiveness would look and feel like, specific to the situation or person.
And finally, in column four record who needs to be forgiven.
For me, this list in column four can include more than one name. I have also learned that my name is in this column for several situations. This includes things like me not taking a stand for myself or what I believe it, me allowing others to treat me less than well, and for me accepting others not okay behaviours and actions as acceptable.
I see myself as a gal who wants to learn and growth throughout my life. In this forgiveness exercise, I can beautifully reflect on how I have grown in my life to better handle specific situations. Carrying around the hurt/ pain/ insert your word here of the past from lessons I have learned, doesn’t serve me. Releasing the emotion of the situation, through forgiveness, including my (lack of) response allows me to move forward more freely, versus dragging crap from the past around with me like a bag of rocks.
Get clear, really clear, on what you need to forgive the people on your list.
Get clear, REALLY CLEAR, on what you need to do to forgive yourself for the role you played in that same situation.
My guess: You have just us much (and even more) to forgive for yourself as you do for the other names on your list.
For me, I am lighter because of it.
I have practice to do.
I have self-affirmations to repeat and believe.
I have breathing and mindfulness exercises to be with.
And more to add to this list that I am still figuring out.
The great news:
- It’s time for me.
- Anchoring to past experiences doesn’t serve me.
- I’m making this happen.