I was facilitating a session last night where I was asked,
“How do I make someone respect me?”
First – “make” isn’t going to work out for anyone….
When I talk about both trust & respect, I speak about it going two ways.
For example, if you’re wanting to feel respected by someone, consider what your consistent actions are that would create that feeling.
If you want to get it, what the heck are you doing first, for the other person to give it?
I was taught this process as the Emotional Bank Account:
To make a withdrawal, you need to first make a deposit.
What are you doing and how are you doing it (again, consistently) to help develop or illicit the feeling of regard from another person?
Wondering where to start giving respect?
Here’s a quick 5 categories to consider, that Google provided me:
- Respect the laws.
- Respect the differences.
- Respect yourself.
Other quick tips:
a) Self-reflect after a conversation by asking yourself questions like:
-What specifically did I do in that situation that would create respect between us?
-What did I miss in that conversation that could have caused disrespect OR loss of respect?
-How did what I was communicating land for the person I was speaking with?
-How did I connect with the person in our situation? (versus run the conversation myself, hijack the dialogue, make it about me, etc.)
b) Consider what respects looks & feels like for you.
Write it down.
Review your list.
How are you living this list, every day? Or every interaction?
Yep. Watch other people and conversations.
Witness their approach.
What’s working between them? What’s not?
What’s the impact of that?
What’s here for you to learn from or try?
To recap the tips:
- Give it to get it
- Learn the 5 categories to showing it
- Ongoing self-assessment on the skill
- Get clear on what it means & looks/feels like for you
- Observe and learn from others around you
What action will you take today, to improve respect with someone in your life?